Posted on July 1, 2021

In my early 20s, I left home for a few months to journey through East Asia. I traveled with two of my best friends, one large backpack, and $3,000 in traveler’s checks. I would love to tell you a sexy story about being enlightened in the local ashram in Bangkok, but that would be a lie. In fact, I came back from four months in the East with acne, a drinking problem, and 30 extra pounds.

My spiritual journey began in my early 30s. I did not climb the Himalayas or shave my hair and became a monk. No, I started the journey from the comfort of my home. You see, knowing yourself is having the courage to look.

Taking the spiritual journey was scary for me, especially because there was a time when I judged spirituality and spiritual people as weak, disconnected and delusional. How little did I know.

Cracking the Shell

It started with a specific comment from a former boss. She was reprimanding me on an interaction with a client. She said, “You know, I just think people are intimidated by your accent, that’s all.” That comment left me so confused. What does my accent have to do with it? And what am I supposed to do with this information? How is this helpful? I mostly felt anger and shame. Her comment hurt me so much that it affected my day-to-day and prevented me from doing my job in the best way possible. Unfortunately, this experience wasn’t unique, and it also wasn’t the first time I let someone else’s words define me and rock my world. I have always felt the expectation from leaders to be the example, to set the tone, to act as a savior, but somehow I was always disappointed. Hearing leaders say one thing and act completely differently was a source of real pain. I took it personally; it felt spiteful. Leaders must recognize that actions matter and, equally important, that words such as “your success is my success,” “feedback is a gift,” “innovation is key,” and “all ideas are welcome,” when genuinely offered, have real, tangible and positive impact. My then stagnant and negative environment, which had no room for personal growth, had the exact opposite effect, driven by self-serving leadership and censorship of any thought or idea that challenged the organization.

Taking the spiritual journey was scary for me, especially because there was a time when I judged spirituality and spiritual people as weak, disconnected and delusional.

An Introspective View

I had to ask myself, If I keep feeling this way, could it be me? And what about my leadership efforts and capabilities? That was a very scary question because it had the flavor of personal responsibility. It forced me to come out of my victimhood and meet myself. I began looking for answers about my own leadership, as I was determined to find better ways to do things. Deep inside I knew that leadership could look different; I knew leadership was meant to lift, collaborate and empower. I refused to believe that it was all about status and power. There must be a greater context. I began looking for answers about my own leadership, as I was determined to find better ways to do things. Deep inside I knew that leadership could look different; I knew leadership was meant to lift, collaborate and empower. I refused to believe that it was all about status and power. There must be a greater context.

Shifting Perspectives

Looking for ways to stay motivated in the workplace and in life, I began listening to inspiring conversations. I wasn’t sure what to listen for; all I knew was that I was longing to hear something new, different. And there it was from Dr. Wayne Dyer: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” The combination of his calming voice and my curiosity drew me to want and hear more. Dr. Dyer’s approach and talks were about being self-reliant, about not giving your power away to others so easily, about how to have a powerful inner world through meditation and Zen practices. In his talks he often mentioned philosophers like Lao Tzu and Confucius and poets like Rumi and Khalil Gibran. I was fascinated. I found what I was looking for – When the student is ready, the teacher will appear – and boy was I ready. Very quickly I realized that everything I was learning was outside the realm of conventional knowledge. I believe Rumi said it best: “Conventional knowledge is death to our souls.”

Amit surrounded by plants in zen garden The Adventure – Past, Present and Future

I would like to share with you three things I have learned from this journey about leadership that forever changed my life, with the hope it will inspire your individual curiosity. Leadership is an inside job: “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” – Lao Tzu One of my greatest experiences of dissonance with leadership is seeing and working with leaders who are unaware of the effect their words and actions have on their teams. Zen leaders are inward-looking. As a practice, they understand that their team is a reflection of their mastery of their craft, and they don’t feel threatened by what they see. They know that to lead others, they must lead themselves first, because they know that their thoughts, emotions and actions affect many people. They are humbled and honored by this responsibility.

The spiritual teacher Sadhguru says that “if you don’t lead your mind first, your success of leading others is merely accidental.” Organizations make the mistake of separating the whole self from the professional self. I have news for you. You take yourself wherever you go; compartmentalizing is an illusion. When organizations finally understand that the question of what it means to be human is vital, they will soar beyond their imagination.

Trust:

“If you don’t trust the people, you make them untrustworthy” – Tao Te Ching We often feel under enormous pressure at work and at home, pressure to get the job right and on time. We also feel like we need to shine and stand out. We often operate in cut-throat environments, where someone else’s success comes at our expense. For that reason, we don’t work collaboratively, we don’t share information and we don’t trust each other. This is not such a great starting point when building teams, is it?

Every meaningful change starts within. That’s what it means to be the change you want to see in the world. What we often don’t know is that our attitudes and beliefs toward others will manifest itself, and when we don’t trust people, we find ourselves surrounded by people who can’t be trusted. So ask yourself, which came first? This may sound counterintuitive, because we are led to believe not to trust someone until they earn it, but that’s where all transformation lies. The real wisdom of trusting is empowering others to do the things they didn’t imagine possible. To do that, you need to trust, first yourself and then others. I learned to let go of the fear of my trust being broken, because a Zen leader trusts herself. Be guided by virtues and values, not rules: “Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it” – Henry David Thoreau There are so many rules in our society and in our workplaces. Rules around what we can say and do, how to behave and even dress. The thing about rules is that they strip away individual judgment, because rules are meant to be followed whether we understand them or not, whether we agree with them or not. They create automatic behavior rather than thinking behaviors. Hans Monderman, a Dutch road traffic engineer and innovator, made the same point about traffic signs and lights. He argued that adding lights, bumpers or signs doesn’t reduce the number of accidents, that traffic space needs to be treated as such – a shared space where people interact – and that we need to understand human behavior first to find innovative solutions to reduce accidents. “Essentially, what it means is a transfer of power and responsibility from the state to the individual and the community” (Monderman, bigthink 2017).

In a politically correct western society, it has become nearly impossible to follow every made-up human rule. While we think they are here to protect us, I claim that they are more harmful then helpful because they are merely the symptom of a collective that has taken the path of intolerance for one another. This cannot be overcome with restrictions on words. You see, words are nothing but a product of what lives in our consciousness and, therefore, what needs to be transformed is our thinking.

It Is Always an Inside Job

My biggest takeaway from this journey is that we’ve had it all wrong, we’ve been doing it backward. When we are told to control, we should release; where we are expected to be dominant, we should allow; and when we want to be seen, we should observe. Every meaningful change starts within. That’s what it means to be the change you want to see in the world. The Zen leader knows that good judgment is all they need, and when they are faced with making a decision, large or small, they know they are guided by something bigger than themselves.

If you want to transform your team, your school, your organization, the world, start with you. I dare you.

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